I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
