I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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