Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
