Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
