Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
