Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
