FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
