it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
