What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
