i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
