im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I need moral support for this bender
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
