Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
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It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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