WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
