I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
