then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
someone threw a dead crab at me
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Randomize
