it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
