I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
i've created a new STD.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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