She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
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I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
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