you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
