i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
