She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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