i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
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