You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
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I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
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Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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