Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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