Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
My ATM looks so different sober.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
