She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
