cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
