Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
