Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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