A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
