Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
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My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
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Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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