My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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