In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
