Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
