New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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