Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
