She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Randomize