ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
