i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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