So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
