it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
