I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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