3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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