Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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