Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize