You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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