I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
