man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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