Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
