i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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