so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
