I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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