My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
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Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
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That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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