so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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