my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
