im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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