never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
