But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
