Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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