the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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