Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
