david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
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Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
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He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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