I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
