Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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