I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just forgot I was standing up.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
