oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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