He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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