Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
