Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
