it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
