Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Your cock deserves a montage
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
