I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
