i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
