He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
