I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
