The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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