he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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