I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Randomize
