I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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