overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
