I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
ttyl tear gas
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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