winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
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then he tried to convert me to islam
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
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Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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