Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
