Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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