No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
