you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
