You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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